i remember the first year we were dating, hed be outside my window next to the large tree, whistling at me to come out, sitting on the fire hydrant, waiting.

the first gesture he ever made was to go to the supermarket and then come to my house to deliver me a box of oreos. im pretty sure he misread me because i longed for Oreo's which Post discontinued. i was in post break up, and he was my listener. By the time i opened up the front door and took a peek to look inside the red bag, he was outside the gate. He zipped away and i didnt even get to say thank you, he had an embarassed and timid mask on. i didnt get to thank him that day.

i hope hes okay. i keep wondering when. i have to keep reassuring myself and asking angela if its true. im glad angela is here for me. id be some crazy person out on the sidewalks. well i am outisde on the porch but that dosent count. i wish he would drive by to check up on me, even if i didnt know he was out here. i thought it coulda been him outside my window last night, but obviously not. he hasnt texted or called, but thats okay.

i love this weather, but itll only be like this till tonight. itll go back down to the 50s. i love crushing leaves beneath my feet.

im still hoping. this is probably not what i wanted to write, i forgot.

im safe here.

im starting to lose faith when he said he would call. i hope everything is okay with him, i really miss him. i wish i could hold him and be held by him.

my heart longs for him now.

what is gonna happen to me when he really leaves?